Hey cravers! I hope all is well and that you all are shining your shade of purple out into the universe!
As promised I would take you back to the beginning of me, all my quirks, why I like who I like,love the way I love,and both the passionate and guarded heart and spirit that guides me.
I did not grow up with my biological father but I was blessed to grow up with a dad! Now many of you are probably saying lucky you and then what issues can you possibly talk about when it comes to love,trust,heart breaks, distance etc. But, that’s exactly why I am able to talk about these things–I experienced it so I can help you avoid it! From birth until age 10 I believe my biological father was good at disappearing, making and breaking promises and being all about him. It got to the point where at age 11 I made up my mind not to believe him anymore, not to wait for him to show, not to count on him to love me,provide for me,or show that he cared. Little did I know that would carry over into my adult life when dating these guys;date like a dude so you don’t get played like a bitch. That was my motto at 18-21ish and that paired with the cement wall I built and the sound advice my daddy gave me I was having my way. That distance all those years was a secret friend of mine that became my foe. I didn’t grow fonder of anyone at this time, I didn’t recognize the lines and unwritten rules, I didn’t see the destruction I was causing mainly to myself. Until one day I caught feelings for someone that my subconscious knew was better than me at my own game and it was a turn on,lol. I decided to stop playing games and give the love thing a try. It wasn’t long before the old me came creeping back and I pretended to be into guys so that they would be all about me while I was just about them for that time, nothing permanent because I didn’t trust that they would stay, I didn’t believe that they would show they cared and I did not want to get let down by them as my biological father did all those years. I created distance from men but more importantly from myself. —Allow me to fast forward to today, in 2014-2015 I was dating someone that I should not have but because I got so far away from myself I did not want to accept it. He did one thing that sparked the journey I am on today;he told me that he would come to my daughters 1yr birthday party and did not. Instantly I felt that same feeling of disappointment and him not caring that I felt from the distance my biological father created. So, I made the decision to leave him and began to focus on myself and my daughter.
Ahhhh the best decision of my life!
I separated myself from religion, negative people, pain, hell I distanced myself from love itself! In a short two months distance became my friend. I recognized I was a spiritual being here to embody and learn from human experiences, I recognized me again, I recognized love again! At this same moment I reconnected (we met in college and was distant for 8 years)with my King you read about in my posts who I still get butterflies from to this day! And it’s not because I’m not comfortable with him, it’s not because I don’t trust him or believe he cares and will show up but it’s because …”I spend a lot of time with me in exchange for a little yet powerful and memorable time with him.” The mutual distance we place between us gives us so much to catch up on, so much to connect on and so very much time work on ourselves individually to maintain that boldness and that desire for one another. Distance can be a great friend if you are bold enough!