If your life was anything like mine growing up, you basically lived in the church. You were present for everything all the way down to the church meetings, bruh. lol Just in the back doing homework, downstairs playing with other church kids, or sleeping until someone came and got you.
I call it the “church girl” syndrome. Everyone knew my mother played no games when it came to keeping me in the church. I remember at one point, my dad had a conversation with my mother telling her to let me listen to secular music and loosen up a little. I think the only thing she loosened up on was letting me listen to other genres but I was always in the back of the church for choir rehearsals, until I eventually joined the choir, and church meetings lol.
The church I grew up in is an “old time” Baptist church and everyone there felt like I was either a “daughter” or “granddaughter” to them. So I had a lot of people that looked at me as the perfect girl, I could do no wrong. I sat in the 2nd pew with my mother and aunt every Sunday, not in the back with the other kids that got in trouble. Wearing pants, or jeans to church was out of the question. I swear to you I got my first suit at like 9 or 10, it was real. Lol
Anyway, that ‘church girl’ syndrome is still with me but as an adult,but I’m struggling with a few things. In college, I was the girl that everyone knew sang in the gospel choir and went to church service but also knew I would be at all the parties, campus or house lol
When you’re a child you’re basically going to church because your parents made you, you know church but you don’t know church for yourself. I’m now at the point where I want to know church for myself. I want to have a personal relationship with God, but it’s hard!
I know, I hear it all the time it’s not hard to just give up all your worries and let God handle them but it is! I’m not saying I’m the stereotypical wild church girl, but I enjoy a drink every now and then (I mean really, I went to Frostburg! Lol), and sometimes when the right beat drops I like to twerk it out one time for the one time. Lol No but seriously, I sometimes feel like I’m straddling the fence, 50% Christian.
I know no one is a perfect Christian and I am no way trying to be one. I just want that connection, that connection that knows that when I feel alone, I always have God or giving my time to him and not just giving him a wish list of things I need or want. I’m in church every Sunday in my adult life, and it just feels like for just Sunday I am all Gods, but once Monday hits, I’m back “in the world” as the old folks say.
I know it’s a process and I know its noting that one day I’ll wake up and be 100% Christian but I do believe faith without work is dead, meaning I can’t just pray for God to order my steps I have to get into his word and rely on Him to guide me.
Like my trainer says (we’ll talk about him later), all you have to do is start! So instead of waking up in the morning or sitting around all day on Snap and Instagram I can be reading my Bible. I mean it’s right under those other apps on my phone. Lol While I’m altering my personal life it’s time I alter my spiritual life as well!
Until next time cravers