50% Christian

If your life was anything like mine growing up, you basically lived in the church. You were present for everything all the way down to the church meetings, bruh. lol Just in the back doing homework, downstairs playing with other church kids, or sleeping until someone came and got you.

I call it the “church girl” syndrome. Everyone knew my mother played no games when it came to keeping me in the church. I remember at one point, my dad had a conversation with my mother telling her to let me listen to secular music and loosen up a little. I think the only thing she loosened up on was letting me listen to other genres but I was always in the back of the church for choir rehearsals, until I eventually joined the choir, and church meetings lol.

The church I grew up in is an “old time” Baptist church and everyone there felt like I was either a “daughter” or “granddaughter” to them. So I had a lot of people that looked at me as the perfect girl, I could do no wrong. I sat in the 2nd pew with my mother and aunt every Sunday, not in the back with the other kids that got in trouble. Wearing pants, or jeans to church was out of the question. I swear to you I got my first suit at like 9 or 10, it was real. Lol

Anyway, that ‘church girl’ syndrome is still with me but as an adult,but I’m struggling with a few things. In college, I was the girl that everyone knew sang in the gospel choir and went to church service but also knew I would be at all the parties, campus or house lol

When you’re a child you’re basically going to church because your parents made you, you know church but you don’t know church for yourself. I’m now at the point where I want to know church for myself. I want to have a personal relationship with God, but it’s hard!

I know, I hear it all the time it’s not hard to just give up all your worries and let God handle them but it is! I’m not saying I’m the stereotypical wild church girl, but I enjoy a drink every now and then (I mean really, I went to Frostburg! Lol), and sometimes when the right beat drops I like to twerk it out one time for the one time. Lol No but seriously, I sometimes feel like I’m straddling the fence, 50% Christian.

I know no one is a perfect Christian and I am no way trying to be one. I just want that connection, that connection that knows that when I feel alone, I always have God or giving my time to him and not just giving him a wish list of things I need or want. I’m in church every Sunday in my adult life, and it just feels like for just Sunday I am all Gods, but once Monday hits, I’m back “in the world” as the old folks say.

I know it’s a process and I know its noting that one day I’ll wake up and be 100% Christian but I do believe faith without work is dead, meaning I can’t just pray for God to order my steps I have to get into his word and rely on Him to guide me.

Like my trainer says (we’ll talk about him later), all you have to do is start! So instead of waking up in the morning or sitting around all day on Snap and Instagram I can be reading my Bible. I mean it’s right under those other apps on my phone. Lol While I’m altering my personal life it’s time I alter my spiritual life as well!

 

Until next time cravers

 

-Monic

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Tikeetha T says:

    Yes, all you have to do is start. I totally understand the church girl mentality but when you submit to the spirit it will give you the peace to do what’s best for you. I am a Christian, but I always say that you can’t judge my walk. We’re not getting to heaven on the friends and family plan. We will all be held accountable for our actions. I still drink, smoke cigars and I do admit to cursing. I’m a work in progress.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Monic says:

      “submit to the spirit” I like that. I actually wrote this on Friday and what’s crazy is when I went to church my Bishop preached about not straying and stop saying no to God. I understand it is a process and I’m ready for this journey!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Tikeetha T says:

        LOL. Happy you like it sis! I tell you that there’s nothing like feeling that peace and knowing that you are a work in progress and that’s okay.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Monic says:

        You’re right about that! I’m loving this new me! Thanks!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. pearl1111 says:

    if you like it, I love it. I would be re-missed if I did not say this though; at the beginning and end of the day your spirituality or Religion is totally up to you and what feels right to you. Have you given thought to why you choose Christianity oppose to any other Religion or just spirituality? is it because that’s all you know or do you genuinely have faith that there is a GOD to answer to to eternally save your soul one day?! just food for thought! Love you Queen

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Monic says:

      Yes I am Christian! I say this because it’s all I’ve ever known and what I’ve learned for myself. I do believe God sent His son to die for my sins, but I didn’t say I’m searching for a connection with the religion I’m searching for my connection with God. Love you too Queen.

      Like

      1. pearl1111 says:

        That is great! So then I must ask if you think that you can have a connection with GOD without governing your connection by a religion? Because,in my opinion,if you label yourself as a Christian or any other religion,then are you not “obligated” to follow that religion to get you that connection? Again you know me so you know I’m playing devils advocate and striking a great debate!😜

        Like

      2. Monic says:

        lol Technically, if I’m reading your question correctly, you just said what I said. Just because I want the connect more with God and that I feel at peace when he is in my life, doesn’t mean I want the connection and follow the religion that today’s society has in created. I believe He is Lord, that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to follow the “traditional” ways of the church. Just like you are on your new journey and believe what you believe I am on mine. I don’t compare the way I praise or worship or believe off of what is told of me or what I see in the church. I know you understand the ins and outs wrongs and rights that follow with the “baptist”church, and myself personally don’t agree with all them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t serve an AWESOME GOD! His ppl are misguided, not His word. Therefore I want the connection with God, not the Religion that follows and is man made

        Liked by 1 person

  3. pearl1111 says:

    Well AMEN! Awesome! I agree 100%…yea I guess we did say the same thing lol just misread or misunderstood you for a split second…hey shades of purple don’t have to be in the same 🌈 to stick out and shine brightest!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Monic says:

      Lol no worries, that’s the whole point of the blog. Debate and talk about things!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. nosyjosie says:

    I can relate to this so much. It sounds like you already know where to start 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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