Am I the only one that has all these great talents but too afraid to share them?
So I know I talked briefly about fear and Queen Egypt is breaking it down for you guys in depth, but I have some big fears in my life that I deal with on a regular. I think of myself as an extremely talented person, as I should, but I’m deathly afraid to share them with anyone.
Having the vision to start this blog and completely putting myself out there was terrifying. I presented this idea to Pearl a while ago but after that I kinda fell off with the idea. Although she was extremely excited about the idea and took the vision on as her own, I on the other hand was debating if this is something I should really do.
I started to think; oh I’m no writer, who is going to read my blogs. My life isn’t that interesting to start a full blog about my journey and making it relatable.
I also had Egypt in mind to be another author on the blog but I didn’t present it to her for a while because, well, she’s a writer. Lol I mean this is her lane; she has another amazing blog, Love Trips, (the plug lol) that she is working on, so why would she want to join this one. Right when I was about to give up on this idea, Pearl brought it up in front of everyone. Real life, my heart dropped. Honestly, that was the push I needed. So we set up a meeting and I explained the thought behind starting this blog, obviously they were both down for the blog. Lol
“It is time to crush those aged fears like a basket full of grapes, pour yourself a nice tall glass of wine or whatever your pleasure, woosah, relax and start planning your own fearless breakthrough.” –Egypt
This is the place most of us are in. Well, maybe the very beginning stages of acknowledging that we need to breakthrough.
I have many fears that I’m working on, to name a small one, its singing. For years I’ve been very self-conscious about letting people hear me sing. I mean, I’ve been in choir my whole life, but I’ve never actually allowed anyone, not even family, to hear me sing or even know I have that talent.
I remember as a kid I would sing in the mirror with my flashlight and pretend I had a concert. It was even better when I had the house to myself, it got real lol. For the most part, everyone in my life knows I’m a human radio; I apply a song to every conversation I have (yes, I’m that annoying friend). I’ve never actually allowed anyone to hear me sing, unless I’m in the background and you’re standing next to me. I’m just not confident when it comes to that, although I would love to be.
Another fear I have is with my work, editing. If you didn’t know, I’m a videographer/editor. Passion #1. This is something I’ve been doing for a very long time, but to this day, I still get nervous to let people look at my work. Last year I did a music video for a good friend and on preview day I basically had a heart attack while he watched it. While he was flipping out on how much he liked it, I was in my chair with sweaty palms.
I wish I could tell you what it is that makes me so nervous to share my talents with people. Actually, no, I can tell you, I’m afraid of success or is it failure? I don’t know, maybe I can’t tell you. (this is my mind on a daily, back and forth) Is there such a thing as being afraid of being good at something? It sounds crazy just writing this, but it’s the truth. I’m afraid of letting people know I’m talented. Although people compliment me on my talents, in the back of my head I’m like, “they’re just trying to make me feel good” lol
After a while I started down playing my talents. I stopped telling people I sing or that I was even in a group, just to avoid the pressure of having to sing in front of anyone. When I first started applying to jobs, I didn’t go for the higher positions because I felt I wasn’t good enough nor had the qualifications for them, even though I’ve been editing since I was 15. When I look back on the things I use to avoid because of fear, I seriously laugh at myself lol.
Anyway, I don’t have the answers to any of my questions, right now. I just have to step out on faith (isn’t what the church mothers say lol?)
Who knows, maybe I’ll do an open mic or finally start that business I’ve been wanting to open for awhile now.
Stay tuned, until next time cravers.